Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize