i wish my penis had a tongue
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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