ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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