my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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