I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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