woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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