So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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