trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize