Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize