i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize