I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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