I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize