just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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