all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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