He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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