This is not my ceiling
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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