WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have feelings that need drinking.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize