3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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