i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize