two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize