I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize