People with herpes should wear stickers.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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