i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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