Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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