I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize