my vag is so smooth its legendary
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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