Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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