I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i've created a new STD.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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