Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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