I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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