my phone needs a breathalizer
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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