if i died would you start the facebook group?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize