You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize