I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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