I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize