hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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