Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My bed smells like the plague
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