I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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