you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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