My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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