ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
soo... how was my night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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