I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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