he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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