she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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