Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize