anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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