Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he thought i was a dude.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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