Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
