Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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