So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
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THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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